In my early years I got into trouble with the law and spent some time in prison. When I returned to civilization, I learned how to harbor a great mistrust for mankind. But this mistrust was really about me and my decisions. My choices and their effects greatly colored my experiences in a negative light.
In the summer of 2017, I suffered a Cerebral Hemorrhage and ended up in the hospital for a few weeks. Inner turmoil that I was covering up with day-to-day distractions started to pour out of me. It was the first time I really started to face my past. The Karmic debt I had built up over my life finally required payment. It was either going to take my sanity, or my reinvention. During my time in the hospital, my body recovered really well. I only lost some balance, some of my words become mixed up, and my memory suffered a minor setback. After I returned home, this catharsis continued. Like a trial-by-fire, life was asking me tough questions, and demanding answers. Like, where did I want to end up? Did I want to continue this self-defeating path, or start anew? It was almost like this health challenge shifted, or shook loose, something deep inside me that was holding me back from truly living. And now, I had this opportunity to start again, to become somebody else, and If I wanted to, I could choose to do things differently. During this transition point, I wandered amongst my fellow humans like a shadow, feeling separate from life. It was during this time that Mankind Project (MKP) fell into my lap.
I didn’t know it yet, but I was really looking for wholeness in my personal life. And I guess I felt like I needed to stop analysing everything. So I decided to trust that this was going to be a good thing for me. I signed up for MKP’s “New Warrior Training Adventure” weekend with money that I had just gotten from an inheritance, without much thought on the subject.
The weekend was much more diverse than expected it be, so much care seemed to go into the process. I felt like it was done many times before and the staff knew what they were doing. I found out later that the staff go though certifications and training to do the work that is required to help men change, if they want it. After the weekend I returned to a igroup (Integration Group), where the real interpersonal work gets done. I know now that I have something to offer: A perspective on life that the world can benefit from. With the tools I bring with me from this work, I now can realize this vision.
Most of my life, I harbored this feeling of mistrust. Not just for others, and organizations, but about myself, and how unstable I really felt. Eventually I figured out that the mistrust was really about the ill-will I felt about myself. Some people and some organizations do really want to help the planet. The difference between the Mankind Project and other like-minded organizations are the tools for self-evaluation, and the building of trust though a safe environment, brought on by the practices we all adhere to. Trust for myself, trust for the organization, and trust for others. In my experience, trust is a vital component in interpersonal work. Without it, not much can be done.
I now face the world with courage to be myself, embodying love and kindness, while respecting others in their journey. I know that violence and resentment against myself, or others only only breeds harm and negative karma. My life has turned upside down to create this universal healing, starting with me.